People have accused me of thinking I’m something special!!
of believing I know everything and
that I’m somehow above others looking down on them…
That accusation has followed me around like a shadow!!
sometimes it comes in passive comments
sometimes in straight up hostility!!
but however it shows up…
it always leaves me asking the same thing
why do people see me like this?!!
because here’s the honest truth
I don’t think I’m special at all!!
I don’t think I’m better than anyone ever!!
I don’t think I know everything by a long shot
✨
but I do know
I know what I see
I know what I feel
I know what I think
even if I can't always explain it the way others seem to need it explained
and maybe that’s the problem…it really is just a me problem…..
✨
I communicate directly, because I dont understand vagueness!!
I don’t sugarcoat things, in order to manipulate and to hide arsenic with honey!!
I say what I mean and I mean what I say!!
because I believe honesty is a form of love and trust and clarity!!
but somehow when I open my mouth to speak…People hear something else
something colder and something sharper
they repeat my words back to me putting words in that I never used!! How can someone here you say words you never used??!! Its so confusing!! And brutal!!
they say I’m attacking them, even if I wasn’t
even if I was trying to be gentle and thoughtful in my interactions….
even if I was just trying to connect and share…
💔
and it leaves me exhausted and honestly sometimes it leaves me feeling utterly defeated…it makes me wish I was mute…
because I’m not someone who wants to hurt people!! Ever!!
I’m not a cruel or an arrogant person
I’m not manipulative, or hiding any hidden agendas!!
I don’t get off on being right and im not trying to convince or coerce or mess with anyone!! Its just how I feel, its just my opinion!!
I truly care about others…Maybe too much
I care so much it hurts me most of the time…
and when people assume the worst of me
it makes me want to disappear
it makes me wonder if there’s something really truly wrong with me!!
🌀
do I speak Saturn while everyone else speaks Earth??
Am I speaking Mars while the rest of the room is speaking Mercury?
do I have some kind of brain disability where my thoughts can never convey my feelings
is this just my autism or is it my trauma??!
or is this just something no one can name?!
🌌
All i truly know is this….
I often feel like I'm speaking a language no one else understands
the only time I feel truly heard is when I write
but even then people don’t always get it and im still misunderstood….
📄
When words
the thing I trust most utterly fail me
I just want to run away…peopling Is fricken hard!! It feels like its some how impossible for me to ever be able to conquer this issue…
I would love to run away and live in a cave in the mountains maybe!!
somewhere silent and completely isolated…
where I don’t have to explain myself
where I don’t have to translate every sentence into something more palatable
where I don’t have to feel so confused…
Deeply frustrated and utterly heartbroken
by how often I’m misunderstood
🌿
I don’t want to hide forever
I do want connection
I do really want some clarity
I want people to really hear me and understand what im actually trying to say!!
not just the version they keep projecting onto me!! It drives me nuts the things they hear me saying that im not saying!!
but right now!! This second
it feels utterly and conoletely impossible
😭
and the truth is
it makes me sooo sad
not just a passing kind of sad
but the kind that sinks into your chest and stays there
And it makes me feel lonely….so lonley
a kind of loneliness that doesn’t go away just because you’re surrounded by people
It makes you feel even more lonely being surrounded by people you cant seem to communicate with!!!
it’s the sadness of wanting to be known
but always being misread...Of trying to connect but not able to connect
but always being met with frustration, defensiveness and anger!!
💔
it’s the sadness of realizing that no matter how carefully I speak
how softly I try to land my words
it might never be enough to change the way people hear me!!!
and that kind of sadness
the kind born from being misunderstood over and over again
changes you alot…slowly it makes you want to be alot quieter!!
it makes me want to retreat, inside my own head…
it makes me question whether it’s even worth speaking at all!!
🌙
but I’m still here making an effort and
I’m still trying! Even if its so hard and exhausting!!
even when it’s disheartening and
even when I want to run away!!
even when all I want is to disappear into a place where I no longer have to explain the way I am
because deep down inside of me
I still hope someone will listen, not just to my words
but to what I really meant to say!!
All my love Tara~Star Still Blooming 💫❤️🔥💫
Tara, this hit like a mirror wrapped in poetry. The ache of being misunderstood, of watching your clarity twist into someone else’s projection, is something I know too well. You speak not from arrogance, but from deep presence. Not from cruelty, but from a fierce kind of honesty that this world often punishes.
The lines about “speaking Saturn while everyone else speaks Earth” and wishing you could just retreat into silence, God, those bruised me in the most beautiful way. There’s such raw truth here, and so much heartbreak underneath the strength it takes to keep trying.
Please know, your words are heard here. And even when they land in wounded soil elsewhere, it’s not because you failed to be kind, it’s because this world often fears the truth when it doesn’t arrive with a spoonful of sugar.
Keep blooming, even if the garden misunderstands the shape of your flower.
Stay entangled, my friend.
—Robes
People are always going to be peopling. They can’t talk about new ideas or concepts because they’re consumed with talking about each other. That’s the ceiling on the aptitude of their collective thought process. They couldn’t understand you if they tried their hardest, so it’s easier to criticize and talk about you than admit they can’t keep up. 😉